“How are you doing Dimebag?”
The clown expanded to twice his size and says in a James Earl Jones voice “I told you to call me Pennywhistle”.
“Sorry Pennywhistle, I’ll try to remember.”
“That’s quite the trick, mayor. I guess that it’s some clown secret how he changes like that.”
“There’s even more to the story. There’s an urban legend that he shows up at 25 year intervals and leads kids into the sewers never to be seen again. There’s a bunch of teens that believe it and are trying to stop him. As if any of the stories were true. But there have been a lot of missing.” The mayor’s voice stopped suddenly and he looked momentarily concerned, but then brightened again.
“Dick, I travel a lot. How easy is it to travel from Rock Castle?”
“I’ve got some bad news there. The Bangor Airport disappears at random times and flights have to be rerouted to Boston. Quantum physicists have some crazy explanation, but I don’t understand it. Of course there was that time that we were trapped in an enclosure for a while with no way out. You probably heard about that.”
“Right. I think that the Simpson’s did an episode based on your experience. Didn’t somebody write ‘The Dumb’ about it?”
“I got to tell you that neither version flattered us much, but ‘The Dumb’ was a lot more accurate.”
“How about the school system?”
“More problems. The Prom Queen from a few years back, Sissy Spacey, went crazy when somebody shot her with rapid fire paintballs as she was crowned. She turned on all of the faucets and hoses telekinetically and flooded the place. Hoo-wee, the students all looked like drowned rats. The building was ruined and every time we tried to rebuild, the new place is flooded. We gave up and bus everybody to the next county over. I think that she got that way from her crazy religious mother. But, and this is a secret, her mother wasn’t as prudish as she claimed. I’m Sissy’s dad.”
“Isn’t Sissy governor now?”
“Yeah, it is almost as if she has mind control. She turned all the police into plumbers and all of the plumbers into police, and yet she always gets elected with 90% of the vote.”
“How about parks?”
“We were going to develop the Cockknocker property into a park, but it turned out that anybody that went there turned green and went crazy. They are politicians and mass marketers now. Something about a buried alien spaceship. One good thing about the radiation from the property is that nobody can use a cell phone here, so we missed the mass murders caused by faulty cell phones.”
“What do people do around here?”
“There used to be a big military base, but since their experiment unleashed monsters from another dimension, they’ve been shut down. At least that’s what we’ve been told. There was a laundry, but one of their machines went crazy and killed a bunch of people. The biggest store is “Things You Need”. Great bargains, but something always seems to go wrong with the sales. Other than that, it is mostly an artist colony, mainly writers.”
“Well Mayor, the place sounds perfect for me.”
“I’m sure that you will enjoy it Mr. King.”
The clown expanded to twice his size and says in a James Earl Jones voice “I told you to call me Pennywhistle”.
“Sorry Pennywhistle, I’ll try to remember.”
“That’s quite the trick, mayor. I guess that it’s some clown secret how he changes like that.”
“There’s even more to the story. There’s an urban legend that he shows up at 25 year intervals and leads kids into the sewers never to be seen again. There’s a bunch of teens that believe it and are trying to stop him. As if any of the stories were true. But there have been a lot of missing.” The mayor’s voice stopped suddenly and he looked momentarily concerned, but then brightened again.
“Dick, I travel a lot. How easy is it to travel from Rock Castle?”
“I’ve got some bad news there. The Bangor Airport disappears at random times and flights have to be rerouted to Boston. Quantum physicists have some crazy explanation, but I don’t understand it. Of course there was that time that we were trapped in an enclosure for a while with no way out. You probably heard about that.”
“Right. I think that the Simpson’s did an episode based on your experience. Didn’t somebody write ‘The Dumb’ about it?”
“I got to tell you that neither version flattered us much, but ‘The Dumb’ was a lot more accurate.”
“How about the school system?”
“More problems. The Prom Queen from a few years back, Sissy Spacey, went crazy when somebody shot her with rapid fire paintballs as she was crowned. She turned on all of the faucets and hoses telekinetically and flooded the place. Hoo-wee, the students all looked like drowned rats. The building was ruined and every time we tried to rebuild, the new place is flooded. We gave up and bus everybody to the next county over. I think that she got that way from her crazy religious mother. But, and this is a secret, her mother wasn’t as prudish as she claimed. I’m Sissy’s dad.”
“Isn’t Sissy governor now?”
“Yeah, it is almost as if she has mind control. She turned all the police into plumbers and all of the plumbers into police, and yet she always gets elected with 90% of the vote.”
“How about parks?”
“We were going to develop the Cockknocker property into a park, but it turned out that anybody that went there turned green and went crazy. They are politicians and mass marketers now. Something about a buried alien spaceship. One good thing about the radiation from the property is that nobody can use a cell phone here, so we missed the mass murders caused by faulty cell phones.”
“What do people do around here?”
“There used to be a big military base, but since their experiment unleashed monsters from another dimension, they’ve been shut down. At least that’s what we’ve been told. There was a laundry, but one of their machines went crazy and killed a bunch of people. The biggest store is “Things You Need”. Great bargains, but something always seems to go wrong with the sales. Other than that, it is mostly an artist colony, mainly writers.”
“Well Mayor, the place sounds perfect for me.”
“I’m sure that you will enjoy it Mr. King.”
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